Why I Won’t Forgive Trump Supporters
My middle son Luke likes to throw things.
This isn’t unusual in a four-year-old. It’s a phase. His older sister went through it. His little brother is going through it, spurred into it a little earlier by seeing the example from his older brother. It will pass. That’s fine.
When he throws something, such as a toy, there’s a penalty. He doesn’t get dessert that night. Or he loses his turn to pick the next TV show we watch.
Every time we enforce the penalty, his immediate response is, “But I’m sorry!”
We are working to impress upon him that Sorry doesn’t cut it after you’ve done the bad thing. In order to get back in our good graces, he has to do something to repair, or make up for, the bad thing he did.
I wouldn’t say this is an extreme stance on parenting. But you should hear how people scream when I try to apply the same rules to their vote on Trump.
Trump’s presumed victory in the election has undeniably emboldened racists and bigots of all stripes.
A personal friend of mine was physically assaulted. When she tried to resist, her assailant leeringly asked for her green card.
Another was told to shut up and stop commenting on American politics because she was black.
There is an intensely disturbing collection of similar stories from around the nation collected here on Twitter.
This is a directly observable result of Trump’s election and the millions of votes that were cast for him. The damage has been done. The toy has been thrown.
But now, when I speak out against Trump and those who voted for him, I’m told that I’m being unreasonable. That I’m being divisive, that I’m spreading hate.
Hate is what Trump has said and done to black people. Hate is what Trump has said and done to Mexicans and Muslims.
Resisting hate is not hate. It might be the purest form of love.
And so I have told those I know that if they voted Trump, they’re no longer welcome in my circles. Not at least until they recognize what they’ve done and taken responsibility for it, by taking concrete action to repair the damage they’ve done.
Acknowledging that he’s a bad guy after the fact doesn’t mean much to me. Buyer’s remorse isn’t meaningful unless you badger customer support and demand a return and refund of the broken product you’ve purchased.
Sorry doesn’t cut it after you’ve done the bad thing.
The door is always open, for anyone. But they have to demonstrate change. They have to demonstrate a willingness to self-reflect, to see the harm they’ve unleashed on others.
If they’re not willing to do that in order to get back inside the circle, then I don’t want them in the circle in the first place. And to be fair, I’m sure many of them feel the same way.
I doubt many of them will change. I’m a white middle-class man from a white middle-class family and pretty exclusively white middle-class social circles until I was in my early twenties.
Only the time I spend in the arts and on the internet has let me glimpse lives other than mine. I’m far from woke and still problematic and still do dumb, bigoted shit.
But at least I own that, and I’m trying to improve. It remains to be seen if those I’ve grown up with will do the same.
Until then, they’re mid-tantrum and they’ve thrown a toy. And there will be penalties.
